What a week... I really have no clue where to even begin.
Well on a positive note, I am now 15 weeks!!! Only about 3 more weeks until we can find out the sex of our baby! Its sooooo exciting! The weekly update said: Your growing baby now measures about 4 inches long, crown to rump, and weighs in at about 2 1/2 ounces (about the size of an apple). She's busy moving amniotic fluid through her nose and upper respiratory tract, which helps the primitive air sacs in her lungs begin to develop. Her legs are growing longer than her arms now, and she can move all of her joints and limbs. Although her eyelids are still fused shut, she can sense light. If you shine a flashlight at your tummy, for instance, she's likely to move away from the beam. There's not much for your baby to taste at this point, but she is forming taste buds. Finally, if you have an ultrasound this week, you may be able to find out whether your baby's a boy or a girl! (Don't be too disappointed if it remains a mystery, though. Nailing down your baby's sex depends on the clarity of the picture and on your baby's position. He or she may be modestly curled up or turned in such a way as to "hide the goods.")
On a not so positive note...It has been one of the toughest weeks of my life. My step-dad, was injured badly in an accident at work. My mom got the news while she was at work and she really wasn't sure of how bad it really was. She called my husband, to tell him what she knew. She was scared to tell me, since i was preg. She just really didn't know how to handle the situation. Cory told me what she had said and that she was going to the ER and that she didn't want me to come up there just yet, until she knew more. Well, cory and I both knew that I wasn't going to just sit at home and wait for the news, so I got ready and flew up there. I had this horrible feeling that it was really bad. When I got to the ER, my mom was standing there crying, came and gave me a hug and said it wasn't good. She said that he had an accident on the scrapper and was severely injured but wasn't sure if he was alive or not yet. I started crying of course, because it seemed like a horrible nightmare. Now, we got to wait for tests to come back on his brain waves, to see if there was any activity and also to see if he had any broken bones. At this point, Mom and I both felt like he was gone but weren't for sure. The nurse came in the deliver somewhat of good news. She said that he had no broken bones and he had some brain activity, she didn't say how much. She also said that they had to sadate him to life flight him to St. Francis, in Wichita. At this time, mom and I got to go back and see him before we headed to Wichita. We both did good and were very strong. We told him we loved him and to hang in there and we would be by his side when he got to Wichita.
When we got to Wichita, we really didn't know how bad of shape he was in. He had severe head trama and was not breathing on his own but his heart was beating on its own, so that was a good sign. It was like the doctors would tell us things that were good and then things that weren't so good and we would focus on the good things and stay positive. In reality, we didn't know if the bad things outweighed the good or vis versa. Well it was a long two and a half days of waiting for progress, progress that we never got. We got to see him four times a day for only 30 mins at a time. It seemed like those 30 mins went by like seconds because we wanted to be with him every minute we were there and we couldn't. After two and a half days of him fighting, he just couldn't hang on anymore. His vitals were decreasing, his brain pressure was elevating, and the doctors were out of options. Mom made the decision to take him off of the meds and let him go. The docs said that he would go in the matter of minutes and he wouldn't feel any pain so that's what she decided to do. His will was to not be kept alive with machines and medicine and so when we knew there was no chance of survival the decision had to come.
Today, after all the arrangements have been made and the funeral is over, we are trying to get our lives back to somewhat of a normal. Its very hard when it doesn't include a very close loved one but we have to move on and just remember the good memories we got to have with him. Its going to be a very long and tuff journey but it can be done.
So, I feel like I now know why it took my husband and I a year and a half to get pregnant. I truely feel, in my heart, that this baby is supposed to give us all something to look forward to that is positive and help our hearts heal from all the sadness. It breaks my heart that he won't be here to see his first grandchild, be in this world but I know that everything happens for a reason and God has different plans for all of us. To me, its a little ironic that I was only a few days into my 2nd trimester (safe zone) when all of this happend and now we are only about 2 weeks from finding out the sex of the baby and getting to plan the nursery, buy clothes, etc. Its going to be a long healing process but at the same time I am so excited to find out the sex of the baby that it comforts my sadness and I feel like it does for all of my family.
On Saturday morning